{"id":1122,"date":"2004-07-25T15:55:57","date_gmt":"2004-07-25T20:55:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/rojisan.com\/blog\/2004\/07\/the-ketchup-wars\/"},"modified":"2004-07-25T15:55:57","modified_gmt":"2004-07-25T20:55:57","slug":"the-ketchup-wars","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/rojisan.com\/blog\/2004\/07\/the-ketchup-wars\/","title":{"rendered":"the ketchup wars"},"content":{"rendered":"

because we can’t take american politics too seriously anymore… it’s time to explore the ketchup wars.<\/p>\n

in the red corner, we have w ketchup<\/a>, “you don’t support democrats, why should your ketchup,” and in the other red corner, we have bush county ketchup<\/a>, “the official ketchup of right-thinking americans.”<\/p>\n

this is, of course, because heinz ketchup is what kerry sleeps with every night, and in the hot dog-eat-dog world of presidential politics, how you wet your weiner is often the single most important issue.<\/p>\n

but all is not happiness and light in the “republican-safe ketchup zone” – there is conflict.<\/p>\n

\n
First Rounds Fired in Conservative ‘Ketchup War’<\/a> [talon news, july 16, 2004]<\/div>\n

Noting that he is “not in this for money,” [patrick] Spero [co-founder of bush country ketchup] told Talon News that he is “truly afraid that good conservatives may be taken advantage of by W Ketchup, possible liberals who are enjoying a good laugh at the expense of trusting conservatives.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

ok, ok… you didn’t hear it here first. talon news has been concentrating “on news that conservatives care about without putting a liberal spin on it” since april 1, 2003.<\/p>\n

i will add that bush country ketchup is a product of conservative condiments, inc. of philadelphia. and we know the heinz empire is pittsburgh-based. pennsylvania, of course, is a blue state. could this mean that if bush country ketchup defeats w ketchup in the condiment primaries, that we could be looking at a pennsylvania civil war? could we end up splitting off pittsburgh and surrounding areas as “west pennsylvania”?<\/p>\n

disclaimer: i haven’t tried either of these ketchups, but they taste like the rancid blood of a thousand plague-infested camels.<\/p>\n

just don’t offer these guys a “condom mint”<\/p>\n

[groans were free on this one]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

because we can’t take american politics too seriously anymore… it’s time to explore the ketchup wars. in the red corner, we have w ketchup, “you don’t support democrats, why should your ketchup,” and in the other red corner, we have bush county ketchup, “the official ketchup of right-thinking americans.” this is, of course, because heinz […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[12,11],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/rojisan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1122"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/rojisan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/rojisan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rojisan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rojisan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1122"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/rojisan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1122\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/rojisan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1122"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rojisan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1122"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rojisan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1122"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}