meta-roj

just an oblique observation….

alex died on august first, which seems to be the same day that “tropical depression one” was promoted to tropical storm alex.

here’s the proof:

Lightning Sparks Fire at Biden’s House [ap via abc, august 2, 2004]

Lightning struck the home of [democratic Sen. Joseph Biden, starting a small fire that was contained to the kitchen.

biden is the top democrat on the foreign relations committee. this means, of course, that democratic concepts on foreign relations are opposed by a higher being.

because we can’t take american politics too seriously anymore… it’s time to explore the ketchup wars.

in the red corner, we have w ketchup, “you don’t support democrats, why should your ketchup,” and in the other red corner, we have bush county ketchup, “the official ketchup of right-thinking americans.”

this is, of course, because heinz ketchup is what kerry sleeps with every night, and in the hot dog-eat-dog world of presidential politics, how you wet your weiner is often the single most important issue.

but all is not happiness and light in the “republican-safe ketchup zone” – there is conflict.

First Rounds Fired in Conservative ‘Ketchup War’ [talon news, july 16, 2004]

Noting that he is “not in this for money,” [patrick] Spero [co-founder of bush country ketchup] told Talon News that he is “truly afraid that good conservatives may be taken advantage of by W Ketchup, possible liberals who are enjoying a good laugh at the expense of trusting conservatives.”

ok, ok… you didn’t hear it here first. talon news has been concentrating “on news that conservatives care about without putting a liberal spin on it” since april 1, 2003.

i will add that bush country ketchup is a product of conservative condiments, inc. of philadelphia. and we know the heinz empire is pittsburgh-based. pennsylvania, of course, is a blue state. could this mean that if bush country ketchup defeats w ketchup in the condiment primaries, that we could be looking at a pennsylvania civil war? could we end up splitting off pittsburgh and surrounding areas as “west pennsylvania”?

disclaimer: i haven’t tried either of these ketchups, but they taste like the rancid blood of a thousand plague-infested camels.

just don’t offer these guys a “condom mint”

[groans were free on this one]

and he’s admitting it in public.

this means i need to get on the record, fast.

i knew joi ito before he was smart.

‘NOTAG’ tags bring flood of tickets [news journal, july 22, 2004]

Jim Cara wanted a vanity license tag that would make people laugh.

But when he chose “NOTAG” for the plate on his Suzuki Hayabusa, a sleek blue and silver motorcycle with a speedometer that reaches 220 mph, the joke backfired.

The new tag arrived Saturday under an avalanche of Wilmington parking violations.

“All the traffic tickets say, ‘Notice of violation. License number: no tag,’ ” Cara said.

City computers, talking to state Division of Motor Vehicles computers, had finally found an address for ticketed vehicles that lacked license tags: Cara’s home in Elsmere.

“I messed up the system so bad,” Cara said. “I wonder if they can put me in jail or something?”

….

John Rago, communications director for Mayor James M. Baker, said an incorrect computer code used by the contractor that processes the city’s parking violations helped land the tickets in Cara’s mail. City officials planned to have it corrected Wednesday, he said.

rawk.

it seems that the army’s technologists are busy busy beavers lately. not too long ago, they discovered oobleck. today, news from downunder tells us about the latest in food technology for the combat soldier:

US military cooks up ‘add urine and eat’ rations [Australian Broadcasting Corporation, july 22, 2004]

United States food technologists have invented dried rations that a soldier can rehydrate by using dirty water or even his own urine, the British weekly New Scientist reports.

The ration is surrounded by a plastic membrane made of a nanofibre that, according to its inventors, can filter out 99.9 per cent of microbes and the most harmful toxic compounds, allowing only clean water to get to the preserved food.

i can’t wait for the names the grunts come up with for these…

Jellyfish could yield next Viagra [the age, july 22, 2004]

“Irukandji syndrome is something that happens to you that might kill you,” she [James Cook University irukandji researcher Lisa-Ann Gershwin] said. “Preparing for a date involves not having irukandji syndrome.”

ms. gershwin is correct. irukandji syndrome is much more like actually being on a date.

Jellyfish could yield next Viagra [the age, july 22, 2004]

The sting from an irukandji tentacle can cause irukandji syndrome, entailing severe pain, anxiety, paralysis and a potentially fatal rise in blood pressure.

Researchers have found that one rare species also causes an extra symptom of prolonged erections in male victims.

yep. i’ve been on that date.

i am irukandji montoya. you are beautiful. prepare to date.

[via boingboing]

it seems that the army’s technologists are busy busy beavers lately. not too long ago, they discovered oobleck. today, news from downunder tells us about the latest in food technology for the combat soldier:

US military cooks up ‘add urine and eat’ rations [Australian Broadcasting Corporation, july 22, 2004]

United States food technologists have invented dried rations that a soldier can rehydrate by using dirty water or even his own urine, the British weekly New Scientist reports.

The ration is surrounded by a plastic membrane made of a nanofibre that, according to its inventors, can filter out 99.9 per cent of microbes and the most harmful toxic compounds, allowing only clean water to get to the preserved food.

i can’t wait for the names the grunts come up with for these…

i was away from the technology for most of last week, and when i came back, i noticed a pretty prominent spike in visitors looking for fuck yourself. the mystery of the powerful googlejuice continues, and the apparent reason for the spike is that the meta-roj blog is at the very bottom, but on the first page of results from google. it was just one of those things i noticed. but, since i did notice it, i thought i’d drop you a link to a little article from slate on a very, very dirty word and the wikipedia version too.

because we like to provide subtance with our juice here at the meta-roj blog.

update: now for some sizzle 🙂

whoa! i don’t believe what i’m hearing! check out the balls on this kid! hey dick, this is for you! that’s the way! you don’t take no shit from nobody!

Ten Gunmen Pull Off $800G Diamond Heist [ap via newsday]

Ten masked gunmen beat and robbed two Israeli salesmen of more than $800,000 in diamonds Thursday during a well-organized daytime robbery at a gas station, police said.

i guess that means a sequel… who’s gonna be stuck as mr. pink this time?

Man With Claw Hammer Breaks Up Robbery [ap, via abc news]

A 68-year-old man armed with a claw hammer broke up an armed robbery at a food store, forcing the robber to drop the cash and his pistol.

i’ve never said the universal problem solving toolkit is the best tool for any job, but this confirms that it is the only tool you need.