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Sunday, December 24, 2006

the story of the first angel tree topper

pull up a cushion, and gather ’round with your cups of delightful hot chocolate, for i have a christmas story to share…

once upon a time, years and years ago, santa was having a very, very bad time preparing for his christmas run.
the worker elves were on strike, the reindeer had the runs and were leaving messes on everything, mrs. claus was pmsing (a week early, no less), toy production was backed up weeks behind schedule, rudolph had a really bad cold and his nose didn’t work – and on, and on, and on.

in short, just about everything that could go wrong pretty much was going wrong.

up in heaven, the angels looked down at the north pole and saw that santa was having a really, really bad time. fearing that christmas might get cancelled, they got together and tried to think of something they could do to fix things. a committee was formed which recommended the creation of a task force, which authorized a report, which mandated a delegation, which formed a council which appointed the littlest angel to go down to earth and visit the north pole to cheer santa up.

on the way to the north pole, the littlest angel came upon a perfect little fir tree, and the littlest angel thought that would be the perfect gift to cheer santa up. so the littlest angel cut down the tree and went on to santas house. when the littlest angel got to santa’s house, she gently knocked on the door.

but there was no answer.

santa, of course, was in the bathroom doing some bathroom business and didn’t hear the littlest angel knocking.

so the littlest angel knocked again, a little harder.

this time, santa heard the knocking, but ignored it.

so the littlest angel knocked again, a little harder.

santa finally realized that they weren’t just going to go away, so he pulled up his pants and came storming down the stairs, threw open the door, and shouted “what do you want!?”

the littlest angel, completely unphased, said “hello, santa. i came from heaven and we noticed you were having a bad year, so i brought you this christmas tree to cheer you up. where would you like it?”

and that is how the tradition of the angel tree-topper was started.

enjoy your hot chocolate.

[this story has been told, and retold, but no idea where it originally came from… bless the first comic]

posted by roj at 4:12 pm  

Saturday, October 21, 2006

a license for gratitude

i’m sure this will haunt me for quite a long time, but… it has to be said.

you, the general public, including anyone capable of expressing themselves in any manner whatsoever, are hereby granted a perpetual and irrevocable license to thank me for anything at any time and in any manner you see fit. no specific authorization will ever be demanded of you for any expression of gratitude you may find appropriate.

have a nice day.

posted by roj at 6:07 pm  

Thursday, October 5, 2006

ornithology laureate

wrong species (i guess), but my own redheaded pecker, in honor of this year’s ornithology ig nobel laureate.

posted by roj at 8:18 pm  

Tuesday, September 19, 2006


posted by roj at 12:04 am  

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

welcome to the democracy security association

inspired by this post, talking about that post, and maybe even a little of this one, too… a flash of inspiration overtook me….

the tsa (that’s transportation security administration) has a logo! who watches the watchers? well… we do. you’ve been drafted into the new democracy security association. that’s the dsa, because government agencies MUST have acronyms.


welcome aboard, blogger. (you can click the logo to buy dsa crap…)

posted by roj at 12:47 am  

Thursday, September 7, 2006


i’ve been meaning to ask – did the tsa officially ban stingrays on planes yet?

posted by roj at 3:46 am  

Monday, June 5, 2006

mel brooks pre-goatse’s goatse

in 1976, one mel brooks directed (and starred in…) a film called silent movie. that film features the earliest obvious goatse i’ve ever documented, and for your browsing pleasure, i provide this documentation to you:

to save your eyes, the text reads:

engulf & devour
our fingers are in everything

salut, mr. brooks. genius. sheer genius.

update [2006.07.21] more explorations over at boingboing. i still think brooks was first…

posted by roj at 5:15 am  

Thursday, May 11, 2006

european white trash

this is an inside joke. deep. inside.

posted by roj at 6:59 pm  

Wednesday, April 5, 2006

01:02:03am 04/05/06

once in… a thousand years. unless, of course, jesus comes back and resets the calendar.

(ok, once in a hundred years… )

posted by roj at 1:02 am  

Monday, March 13, 2006

vacation days are hot stuff

a political-geek humor moment crashed into me this evening, when googling for vacation days, the first hit is “How many vacation days has George W. Bush taken to date as president?” from

posted by roj at 2:17 am  
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